Living in Reality.

There are some days when it would really pay off to have her courage.

Anyone who knows me well knows this movie is dear to my heart. (Excuse the Harlequin-esque nature of the poster.) I don't remember the first time I saw it, and my childhood is riddled with memories of watching famous scene after famous scene with my mom in our living room. I was raised on this movie. Along with "The Phantom of the Opera," I have had a longer relationship with "Gone With the Wind" than I have with Christianity. (Don't worry; Jesus is still #1.)

I read the book for the first time in high school and fell in love with it. After years of it sitting on the shelf, I decided to reread it, probably thanks to a certain MOB staff member whose accent makes me miss the familiar lines spoken around the fields of Tara. I am about half-way through and, I have to say, it is better than I remember. The glory of the old South makes me wish my roots ran deep in the red clay of Civil War history rather than being of English decent and, as a writer by heart, Mitchell is awe-inspiring. Scarlett O'Hara might just be the best depiction of character development I have ever read and the photo represents my favorite phase of Scarlett's transformation. As much as I love the movie, it does her NO justice during this part of her journey. She is propelled purely by courage and an unbridled spirit. The obstacles she overcomes are, for a person of her stature, incomprehensible. She is one of, if not the, strongest female literary figure ever crafted by an American author. I challenge you to find a rival.

The tragedy is she isn't real. As well as I know the story and can recite the lines and anticipate what is coming up next in the novel, it is completely fabricated. Imaginary. Her strength and determination do not exist. And yes, that pains me a little to admit.

While I am picking my way through "Gone With the Wind," I've slowly been working my way through another well-known book. This past summer was a rough one and I spent a great deal of quality time with God. One of the things He revealed to me is that I cannot claim to love Him if I do not know Him. So I began reading through the Bible, in its entirety, for the first time. While there are many things I do not understand about why certain things were kept in the Bible, I am blown away by the faith of the people of the Old Testament. Their faith in adversity, periods of silences from God, trust in the midst of seemingly ridiculous commands and requests is incredible and almost too much to grasp. While it may not be as easy a read, they make Scarlett look weak. It makes me realize how sorry I can be for myself and how complaining has no right to be my first reaction to any circumstance. God is a far more complex being than I gave Him credit for and I'm amazed I have lived all these years without bothering to discover this sooner. Shame on me.

What gives me encouragement is this: While I can only wish I had the strength of Scarlett O'Hara, I can pray for faith of God's people. I think reality is the better end of the deal in this case.

Russian Shoes.

The significance of this photo is as follows:

1) This is the final version of my Masters Thesis in a PDF.

2) You cannot edit a PDF.

3) Ergo, this is my Masters Thesis in its entirety.

Yes, I have finished. The final count is 137 pages of creative nonfiction, 146 pages total counting the aesthetic statement and all the other required "noncreative" pages. It is currently on its way to be bound and then sent to my advisor and department supervisor for a final signature before taking its permanent home on the shelves of the National University library. Thank you, Lord for perseverance!

It is hard to believe I've reached the end of this adventure. I am relieved to be done with the manuscript; it was getting exhausting to continue reliving events that happened well over a year ago now. To those who were involved (and yes, you are in the manuscript), I hope I represented our story well and put down the details accurately. I am ready to finally put Russia 2009 to rest.

Done and done.

"Меня зовут Кортни"

I turn 24 years old today. Thanks to everyone for the warm birthday wishes. Facebook has done wonders for birthdays.

I feel a long blog entry is due, considering the best job God has ever blessed me with has ended and I am closing in on finishing my Masters Thesis, but the only thing that is on my heart is Russia. I found this map of St. Petersburg on Flickr. While I do not get about 3/4's of the references and could not point out to you where anything is (try as I might I still get turned around in the streets of St. Petersburg) I think it is beautiful. One of the things that is so fascinating about traveling to a country more than 234 years old is the history behind everything. I spent an afternoon wandering the city with a college student and friend and every building seemed to have a story to it, a history other than "it was built for offices." And my tour guide took such pride in her city; not out of arrogance, but out of respect. This map reflects that respect so perfectly.

I miss it terribly. But I know God is faithful and that His plans are exponentially better than my own. So, now I wait for them to unfold.

All right, 24. Let's see what you got.

Photo credit.